Rubedo

Osluškujući bilo svojih mentalnih i emocionalnih stanja, svoj psihizam izvlačim na površinu blicem fotoaparata. Paralelno s osobnim iskustvom, fotografijama osluškujem pulsiranje kolektivnog nesvjesnog, istražujući čitavu lepezu arhetipova i prispodobi poganskih božica.  Fascinirana sam principom ženskosti, ali krute polaritete „djevice“ i „kurve“, nevinašceta i kučke nastojim premostiti i izmiješati u koktel posve nove žene, u kojoj ključaju i vampirice nezajažljive seksualnosti, i stidljive vilenjačice, i kastrirajuće vještice, i vučice-čarobnice nalik grčkoj Hekati, i mudre svećenice koje u mojem mikrokozmosu predstavljaju panoptikum podjastava. Moje analiziranje ženstva automatski priziva i bavljenje animusom, onom neobuzdanom, „muškom“ snagom , borbenošću i brutalnošću, i visokonaponsku napetost među tim principima predočujem slikama koje vriju unutrašnjim konfliktom. Poigravajući se višestrukošću identiteta čije se granice elastično razvlače, izobličuju i beskonačno prepliću, istražujem njihove polaritete, opsjednuta spregom i napetošću između erosa/libida i tanatosa, koju prvo dovodim do kulminacije slikama nasilja i ekstremne ranjivosti/ranjenosti/razotkrivenosti/obeskoženosti, da bih ju potom transcendirala prizorima u kojima sirovo i brutalno biva zamijenjeno nježnim, eteričnim, nebeskim – fragilnim, ali i snažnim u svojoj čistoći. Baveći se dramatičnim kontradikcijama ljudske psihe, ispitujem dualnost karnalnog i spiritualnog, nadahnuta psihoanalizom i mitom, pri čemu među autoportrete koji su katkad dokumentaristički čisti, katkad raspojasani do fantastičnosti i nadrealnog, provučem pokoji čudovišni, dijabolični lik, simbol Sjene, demona podsvijesti, kojem, izvlačeći ga na površinu, oduzimam njegovu uznemirujuću moć ili je transformiram u oružje sublimacije. Sve žene s mojih fotografija moja su jastva, djelići razlomljenog zrcala koje ponovo lijepim u jednu cjelinu, u ritualu ponovnog strukturiranja, integracije i individuacije.

Ispolirani i uljuđeni, ultimativno racionalni dijamant ega svojevrsnom alkemijskom preobrazbom prvo razbijam na milijun faceta, da bi tako razjedinjeno oplošje transformirala u novu stvarnost, istinu bezgraničnog poigravanja identitetima koje mijesim poput gline i čije fetiše, strahove, konflikte i opsesije ovjekovječujem i sublimiram kroz umjetničko djelovanje, ultimativni prostor slobode.

Fotografije su smještene u sumračan, pomalo morbidan ambijent, načinjen od vreća za smeće koje simuliraju zastore od latexa, povezane lancima, a grubosti i hladnoći takve inscenacije kontrapostiram žičanu skulpturu srca u sredini prostorije, iza velova načičkanih s više tisuća ziherica, iz čijeg središta nježno titraju božićne svjetiljke, poput pulsiranja dragocjene tjelesne tekućine, fluidnog rubina – srce u središtu ovdje sam predstavila kao simbol duše, autentičnog selfa, onoga što se krije iza naslaga maski, toplo, nježno i crveno poput krvi, libida i kupke preporađanja. Tako energetski centriran, ambijent se iz mračnog, prijetećeg i melankoličnog, toplinom strateški pozicioniranih rumenih svjetala transformira u svojevrsno svetište.

(Site-specific instalacija "Rubedo", Galerija NANO, 12. - 14. listopada 2011.)

Just slightly different english version:

This project represents my dealing with psychological and social issues related to the

problems of sex, gender, female identity and identity in general, affected by the ways others

inscribe their projections and phantasmas onto one's self and therefore form a complex picture

we then emanate to the world, creating a persona as a multifaceted mask, like diamond that reflects light in million rainbow colors. In my previous work I dealt more with the body as a means of transmitting message, but in this peace I am focused more on my face (with a few bodily scenes) as an expression of different emotional states as well as depiction of the whole caleidoscope of archetypes, mostly female, drawn from myths and psychoanalysis theory, which has a great impact of how all that sexuality issues are perceived today. Those symbolical representations are saturated with a mixture of seductiveness, lust, obsession, repulsion, fear, ambivalency, desire that easily transforms into anxiety under pressures and expectations of society and find its relief in practices like paraphilia and sadomasochism or attitudes/processes like victimisation. I attempt to smooth rigid polarities between archetypes of Holy Madonna and whore/bitch (dominant in patriarchal, heterononnative point of view) and mix those paradigms into cocktail of totally new woman, sort of hybrid with million faces and fluid, elastic identities. So, vampire ladies, fairies, witches are all melted together, playing in my panopticum of polimorphous perversity. All the women from my photographies are my sub-selves, my incarnations, my different personalities, pieces of broken mirror that yearns to be glued together in brand new structure. In that game of role-playing with archetypes metamorphosed into contemporary symbols I also include male element which completes the

whole picture and makes feminity even stronger, and at the same time affirms androginy

which is a sort of spiritual aim. Masculine link in the whole story is depicted through exploring traits of animus, like aggressiveness and brutal energy, which is opposed to fragility, and there is also a reference to relation between violator and victim, cruelty and hypersensitivity, violence and masochism. The other contrast is in carnal and sensual versus ethereal, and Eros versus Thanatos, the eternal theme which could never be overexplored. So, all these dichotomies inevitably include psychological dimension, and, in my case, are the proof of desire to glue together all those hysterical cuttings of opposed identities. Archetype of a Shadow, or inner demon, is a feature that also finds its place in this pandemonium - it is that dark spot suppressed by superego, charged with dangerous sexual and aggressive, destructive and self-destructive drives that an individual denies or estranges from himself or his consciousness through various defense mechanisms, and those powerful dark and fatal  impulses are one of the key elements that drive the behaviour of human kind. Rubedo, as a final, crown stage of alchemy, is here represented in merging all those sexual faces in one kinky boiling pot and refusing to be restrained in tight corsets of sex/gender stereotypes. It's not meant to be pretentiously and literally taken for a red line of an exhibition, but more as a symbol in the stage of personal development and voyage.

(Site-specific installation "Rubedo", NANO Gallery, October 12 - 14th, 2011.)