https://www.artsteps.com/view/645d3688d6ae75637ef4293d

 

 💥"From Babylon To Uranus: Blood Moon Goddess" - my first solo international planetary exhibition, consisting of photography (self-portraits) and poems. Next three ones will be made of glitch art, videos and drawings/illustrations. 👄

 

 With this concept, I describe the most stigmatized mental disorder on the planet: borderline personality disorder. It is characterized by a vague self-image and chameleon-like soul, unstable and intense interpersonal relationships, large amplitudes in mood (from euphoria to depression and back at lightning speed), self-destructiveness and impulsiveness (drinking and drug use, fast driving, self-injury, shopping addiction). We deal a lot with racism, misogyny, homophobia, xenophobia, but we actively avoid talking about our loathing, fearing and distancing from physical and especially psychological aberrations, and the latter are often demonized and exaggerated, overly dramatically depicted in films and pop-culture. Borderline is the other side of narcissism, the black death of modern society, that fragile, sad and misunderstood phantom who feels too much and too intensely in a world where it is imperative to be an arrogant and greedy iceberg. Borderline is also characterized by a fragmented self and is very similar to the symptom of multiple personalities, so I present it through a neon colorful array of my fluid identities in eternal transformation. I play with otherness by examining and exploring different, multiplied identities that are viscous, in eternal metamorphoses, and I realized that I am queer, i.e. that Other, radically different, displaced, strange, exaggerated, theatrical, hysterical, non-normative, playful and “crazy”. My obsession with dark goddesses is also fiercely present from the beginning. I channel mythological creatures that are part of that dark pandemonium, dangerous and seductive mistresses of love, death, night, chaos, magic, the occult and transformation, and my photo sessions themselves are a kind of invocations and pagan rituals, because through them I come into contact with my ancestors. In doing so, I challenge the historical view of female sexuality as dangerous, unpredictable, capricious, shrouded in a veil of mystery, all-consuming and fatal. Dark goddesses (primarily the primordial rebel Lilith and the sorceress Hecate, as well as succubi, vampires, lamias and sirens), simultaneously represent the ultimate power and strength with which I want to reach my inner, immanent goddess again, but also the destructiveness of illness and trauma, where they play the role of a demon or nemesis that persecutes me, therefore, I persecute myself and thus I myself become diabolical. I am simultaneously a walking phallus and a huge, gaping, hallucinatory wound, displaying the tango of my impudence and bleeding fragility and fear. BPD used to be understood as hysteria, and before that, manifestations of mental illness or deviations from the norm were interpreted as demonic possession, vile marionette shadowplay of the devil, and led to the persecution and burning of "witches". Therefore, there is an erotic and sexual element (because sexuality is an elementary part of my identity, but also sex as a trauma) that I permeate with the aromas of violence, someone else's physio-psychological that I introjected inside and directed towards myself in the form of self-destructiveness, and through this interweaving eroticism becomes provocative, predatory, vengeful, devouring, punishing like Medea or petrifying like Medusa – and I describe it as perverse sexuality and paraphilias, pervading pleasure and pain. Hypersexualization is another symptom of trauma. I try to untangle the ball and knot of my turbulence and ambivalence in the performance through extravagant and extreme or familiar but distorted body states, where I use erotic language and the language of transgression to bring to the surface emotional turmoil, pain and the fact of trauma, which I transform into metaphorical exotic plants through a surreal and hallucinatory imaginary. I analyze neurodivergency, the feeling of otherness, otherness, displacement, marginalization and misunderstanding due to the taboos and stigmas with which psychological deviations from the norm are still covered, and the society of spectacles and all-consuming narcissism alienate what, pathetically speaking, is authentic or feels true, arising from the deepest personal abysses, essences and cores. I show these identity deformations and transformations by parading in an abundance of assortments, decorations, masks, prostheses, everything that emphasizes the theatrical bulkiness of thirst and desire. These prostheses and elongations serve the theater of cruelty that I present. There are also quirks, masquerades, hyperbolized presentation of one's own character and my alter-egos from cinematography and pop culture (mainly actresses). From them I create delirious parallel universes, and I realize their strangeness through surrealism, the grotesque, the carnivalesque quality of motifs and images, and I crush the reality of myself and hybrid characters, archetypes that acquire a futuristic dimension, and alien representations. They are a gap and a crack through which reality peers into the astral infinity and slips into the world of phantoms, ghosts, aliens, bizarre beasts and actresses who, instead of plastic surgery, go through digital malformations, in a kind of transhumanism. The intimate becomes completely robotized and handed over to technology that tailors something that I would describe as different cosmic laws. Reality schizophrenicaly sizzles, plays, and the characters I portray seem possessed. It is a fantasy world in which I sleepwalk and dive, in hyperrealistic nightmarish or opioid, altered states of consciousness through dystopian landscapes of the mind and spirit, trying to escape the horrors of the gloom and doom and the venomous, nuclear desolation of alienated, lonely self. On the sunnier part of the concept, there is an unbridled, unhinged witch in me that balances those glitter tears out, a great pagan sorceress, drawing from the Balkan roots, and reminding of shamanism, divination and magic rituals. I dance like a walking heresy, spiting Spanish inquisition, unbothered and unbridled, in crazy, hysterical but wavy-soft meanders, in a fire that is so strong inside that erects from around like phalluses. Those candles are organs in a sacred cathedral of Nature. I´m blind to the ones that search for silencing or punishment of rebels, seducing with my dance only, in redness like red shoes of Oz, in wizardry and musk scents of streams that connect me with my pagan ancestors. Those streams are as deep as ocean undercurrents, and as undestroyable as arteries and veins of a woman that is free and in possession of her own body, mind and spirit, but is called mad and insane for it.